Dr Julie | Psychologist

👉Don’t make this mistake 🐸 We tend to adjust and tolerate harmful changes if they are gradual and subtle enough. Where in your life have you put up with gradual deterioration until it’s too late? More below👇 👉My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally available to order worldwide (link in bio) 🔥The use of the blow torch in this video might seem a bit shocking. But it is there to represent how harshly the heat can be turned up once we are trapped in a situation by our tendency to adjust rather than address problems. We might become broken down or weakened by the ever increasing toxicity of a situation. So, whether it’s a workplace, a relationship, a personal situation or a wider problem of town or country, the boiling frog metaphor speaks volumes about the potential consequences of not addressing small changes until it’s too late. Note: The boiling frog metaphor came from an experiment that was done over 150 years ago. The original theory has since been contested by modern biologists. But the value in the fable remains. No frogs were harmed in this video 🐸 Feel free to share this message ❤️ If you enjoy my videos you’ll love my new book ‘Open When...’ is finally out now worldwide (link in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages.

👉 The biggest mistake that most people make with new year resolutions and lifestyle changes is starting with a big change that can’t be sustained among all the demands of normal life. Aiming for temporary change is not a bad thing. We do this all the time when we take time out to rest or go on a holiday. But when we want to put in a change that will stick, we can’t treat it in the same way that we treat a short term change. We must work out how this new goal is going to fit into everything else that we prioritise. Without doing that, the new changes inevitably become too disruptive to all the other things we care about and we inevitably abandon the new goals altogether. More to come on how to sustain new changes in the next couple of weeks, but for details on how to deal with fluctuations in willpower now, I have a section on this in my new book, Open When. Click the link in my bio to get yours now. Available at all book stores and supermarkets. ⭐️ Amazon has just reduced the price by 24%. ⭐️ Signed copies available from the Waterstones link. ⭐️ Barnes and Noble 🎯 US Special edition now at Target Links are in my bio x

👉 Did you notice the change at the end? 👀 It’s easy to miss it at first, because it is so gradual. But that is how change in emotion state tends to happen too. It’s not the flip of a coin. It’s a gradual shifting that takes time. The trouble with that is we become impatient when the feeling is uncomfortable or painful. We want it gone now. So, the temptation is to do whatever numbs it fast. Every time we do that, we lose touch with the natural course that human emotion will take, when we allow it to be present. It increases in It’s intensity, then slowly comes back down. 👉 ‘When it’s difficult to be with your feelings’ is the title of a whole section of my new No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller, Open When. It breaks down into all the emotions we tend to struggle with, and I talk you through how to get through and out the otherside in the best way possible. The link in my bio has links to UK, USA and some international retailers. When I wrote this book I wanted it to be a gift to yourself through hard times, but also to the people you love, when you can’t be there to see them through their own tough moments ❤️

👉 Can’t believe how close that was!⌛️ More on this subject below. But if you find my videos helpful, you will love ‘Open When…’ my No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller book available through the link in my bio. For a limited time it’s almost half price on Amazon too. High sensitivity: The recognition that some people experience more sensitivity than others is based on the research by psychotherapist Elaine Aaron. But it is crucial to point out that this is not a clinical diagnosis. It is not a disorder that needs changing. You are not flawed in any way. But it’s common for highly sensitive individuals to feel that way, because people vary greatly in how much their nervous system is aroused in the same situation. Sensitivity can have a positive impact on your life as well as negative. Here’s a few examples below: You are likely to be highly conscientious and able to concentrate deeply. You might be especially good at tasks that demand accuracy and speed and detection of error. You are more likely to be able to process material at a much deeper level. You might benefit from an ability to reflect on your own thinking and experience and developing self-awareness. 👉 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally available to order (link in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages.

👉 Here is something crucial to understand about why this happens to you as the first step to overcoming it. More below.. If this situation is affecting your relationship, I cover it in much more detail in the my new book ‘Open When...’ it was an instant no.1 Sunday Times Bestseller (link in bio). …It’s normal for affections and expressions of love to fluctuate in healthy relationships. But if the slightest sign of disinterest from your partner sets off alarm bells in your mind and has you fearing the end of the relationship, the subsequent urgent attempts to get reassurance can cause damage to the relationship over time. Learning to feel safer in relationships starts with understanding something crucial about how your brain works. When the brain sets off that fear response it doesn’t have all the facts. It only has a few clues to go on. So, it tries to make sense of what is happening now by referencing memories of when things felt similar in the past. If signs of a loved one going cold in the past meant the possibility of rejection or abandonment then the brain goes with what it knows and sounds the alarm to tell you this is an emergency. But the reason that knowing this is so valuable is this: the fear you feel in those moments is not only to be understood by what is happening now but also by what you have been through in the past. So you can begin to get familiar with the scenarios that tend to trigger a false alarm because they feel similar to past experience. Then you can learn to spot false alarms as they happen and choose to respond in the way that you know works best for your relationship today instead of living out patterns from the past. 👉 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally out (link in bio) and was an instant no.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in around 40 languages.

🫣 Who else does this? 👉 To all the people pleasers out there. There is a chapter in my new book ‘Open When…’ it’s called ‘You Keep Saying Yes But Want To Say No’ limited discount links in bio. That need we feel to justify ourselves and offer up detailed explanations can be seen as a safety behaviour. An action that helps to bring down the fear associated with holding a boundary. It works temporarily but, in the long term, leads to an increased need to do the same. We find ourselves trapped and unable to hold a boundary if we feel we can’t avoid the disapproval of others. Maybe asserting yourself in the past led to rejection, abandonment or a complete override of your own needs. Maybe love was conditional. Or maybe it was considered your responsibility to ensure that others remained happy. However the cycle began, it can be broken. It takes time and practise. And it always starts with awareness. So start looking out for those times when you hold a boundary and immediately follow it up with over-explaining and justifying yourself to others. ⭐️ To all the people pleasers out there my new book ‘Open When...’ has the perfect chapter for you. It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48% discount. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Both links in my bio. If you brought a copy of either thank you for the support 🙏

👉Can you answer no.4? If these signs of loneliness resonate for you, this is something to take seriously. Not just because the feeling itself is painful, but because it is both a warning sign for the strain that a lack of human connection will put on your overall mental health, but also crucial information about what you need in order to make things better. For some people addressing loneliness is about finding and creating opportunities for connection. For others, it is about tackling the fears around social interaction and the skills needed to thrive in those environments. There is not enough room to do all of these subjects justice in a caption, but if you want in-depth guidance from me, I cover them all in my new, no.1 Sunday Times Bestseller, Open When. 👉 To anyone who is struggling with this my new book ‘Open When...’ is finally out. It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48%. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Links in my bio.

👉 The last one often gets ignored. Do you ever pick up on it? These are just some of the subtle, uncomfortable ways that people who don’t really have our best interests at heart can reveal themselves. But it’s not just friendship that is so crucial to a healthy and happy life, it’s good quality friendship. If a friendship is taking away from your life, rather than adding to it, you have a decision to make. But never be too ruthless in your decisions. This is your life and relationships are complex. Take time to get clarity on the situation. Chapter 2 in my no.1 best selling book, ‘Open When..’ is called, ‘When your friends are not your friends’. tap on the link in my bio to order your copy of Open When.. so you’re armed and ready for these confusing situations when being human gets complicated. 👉 ‘Open When...’ is finally out. It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48%. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Links in my bio.

👉Look out for the last one 👀 It’s a common trap. More on this below 👇 📖 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally available to order worldwide (link in my bio) For those who find themselves wanting to leave a relationship and blaming themselves for finding it hard to break away, it’s never been as easy as you tell yourself it should be. If your partner is using any combination of these manipulations, you will be more isolated, vulnerable, and confused about how best to proceed. Not because there is anything wrong with you, but because that is the effect these behaviours have on most people. Finding some form of support outside of the relationship is crucial. It helps you to get a wider perspective on the relationship. Doing that on your own is not easy. That person might be a trusted friend or family member or a professional. Learning about these types of behaviour can help you to spot them while they are happening and to see them for what they are. Feel free to share if you feel it could help someone ❤️ 👉 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally available to order (link in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages.

👉No.1 is tough to do. That discomfort people feel in seeing you upset that causes them to shut you down. Of course they have the best of intentions. They want you to be ok. But sometimes allowing the emotion to be present and pass naturally helps you to be ok more than trying to squash it and deny it. 60 seconds is too short for this type of video. What tips would you add? Share ideas in the comments. 💚 👉 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally out (link in bio) and was an instant no.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. If you brought a copy thank you 🙏 Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages

👀 Watch out for No.4! Have you noticed that knowing what’s best for you doesn’t seem to be enough to make you do it? That’s because our actions are often driven by how we feel and don’t want to feel right now. (More below). 👉 For help with this see my new book ‘Open When…’ and my million copy bestseller ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ If you comment the word ‘book’ I will DM you with discounted links. But the problem with being led by how we want to feel now puts up new barriers between you and your goals for the future. All those barriers seem to reconfirm your limiting beliefs that you can’t make it happen. So the urge is not to bother. You start to convince yourself that you didn’t want it anyway. The cycle of seeking the most comfortable now, sabotages your future.

👉 Important to remember that everywhere we go we will be brushing shoulders with people who are fighting battles we can’t see. And while we cannot fix that, how we interact and connect with people matters more than we think. Just one interaction can shift someone’s trajectory for the rest of the day, or even longer. 👉 To anyone who is struggling my new book ‘Open When...’ is finally out. It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48% discount see links in my bio. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Links in my bio. If you brought a copy of either thank you for the support 🙏

👉 The uncomfortable truth that nobody ever talks about: you are not obliged to stay in a friendship that is unhealthy or damaging for you, even if you have been friends for years. Not only are you free to choose your own friendships, you are also duty bound to do the best by yourself, which includes making careful decisions about who you spend your time with. It is not just friendship that is crucial to a healthy and fulfilled life, it is good-quality friendship. Once someone has proved themselves to be someone who does not have your best interests at heart, you have a decision to make. But don’t be ruthless in decisions about friends. This is your life. Be careful, considered and deliberate. And if you do walk away from a friendship, do it with compassion. Wish them well and make sure that your decision is so well thought out that you take no bitterness with you. Open When.. is available now worldwide and covers these confusing friendship problems in much more detail. 🔗 See the link in my bio to get yours. 🌟 Next day delivery from Amazon 🌟 Signed copies from Waterstones 🌟 Exclusive edition from Target ⭐️ In stock in Barnes and Noble

👉The last one can be hard to spot 👀More on the subtle signs that a friendship has gone sour ⤵️ • When you share bad news, your bid for connection and support is squashed by something apparently much worse that happened to them once. • Sharing good news or something positive that is happening for you feels unwelcome too. You might be met with sarcasm, or praise the comes laced with insult. Or you might notice that you are being subtly excluded in ways that you weren’t when things weren’t going so well for you. 💫 Much more on how to spot signs that a friend might not be a friend and how to deal with it in my new book, Open When. 👉 My new book ‘Open When...’ is finally out! (link in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages.

👉A big mistake people make is they think that being a good person means giving in to other person’s demands, always being the one to say, “I don’t mind” and flexing this way and that to accommodate them. But what starts as an intention to be kind, can easily slip into a habit of appeasement. Doing that may help to keep the peace in the moment, but leads to deep resentment and bitterness in the long term. (More below..) 👉 I talk about this in much more details in my new No.1 bestselling book ‘Open When...’ link in bio So how is appeasement different from simply being kind? And how can you spot it? 1. While kindness is motivated by genuine care, appeasement can be driven by fear, the need for approval or the avoidance of conflict. 2. Anyone can choose to express kindness to another person without compromising on their own needs or wellbeing. In fact, showing kindness has benefits for both them and you. But appeasement often feels less like a choice, and more of an escape from confrontation or conflict. And it nearly always requires some form of self-betrayal. 3. A habit of kindness contributes positively to your wellbeing and your relationship. Appeasement sets a precedent for what they will come to expect of you that builds resentment and bitterness and often the destruction of the relationship itself. Many of us have been taught to believe that being a good partner, friend or family member is someone who drifts in any direction others want us to go. That is not true. Being a decent person and being an assertive person are not opposite ends of a spectrum. In fact, one demands the other. The good news is that assertiveness is not something you are born with. Those skills are learnable at any age. 👉 To anyone who is struggling with this my new book ‘Open When...’ is finally out. It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times Bestseller. Available for limited time with up to -48%. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available in across the world in over 35 languages in audio and ebook. Links in my bio.

👉 Ever had a friendship like this? We know that, when it comes to friendship, quality over quantity works best. But, how do you know which friendships are better? Perhaps one way to measure the quality of friendship is the degree to which you have to modify yourself to meet the expectations of the other person. There are plenty of interactions in which we willingly adjust how we present ourselves to play a certain role. Maybe that’s at work or in a position of responsibility and authority. But when it comes to friendship, acceptance and having each other’s best interests at heart is a foundation that cannot be substituted with counterfeit alternatives. Many people say that you learn who your friends are when times get tough. But in many ways this is even more true when you experience good times or personal success. The details of how this works are fascinating. 👉 For more on this chapter 2 in my new book, Open When.. is called, ‘When your friends are not your friends’. And has so much more on this. Available in over 35 different languages and on audible/auidobook (read by me). Discount links in my bio.

So this just happened. After my diagnosis I rewrote the chapter on fear, with the words that I needed to get me through. Check it out if you already have your copy. Amazon just dropped the price by almost 50% to £10.50 this is only for a limited time so for anyone who doesn’t have it, this is the cheapest time to buy Open When. Amazon US also has 25% discount at the moment. The audiobook was read by me and is available on Audible. The link is in my bio for UK, USA, Australia and lots more. Up to 35 languages and counting. Thank you again for your incredible support along the way. 🤗

👉This is madness! 🤯 I cannot buy them at this price. Two books in the Sunday Times top ten means ‘Open When…’ is now £10.50 inc delivery and ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Is just £8 inc delivery this is UK but also discounted in US and internationally. Tap on the link in my bio. If you want to support me by buying my book it won’t get any lower as the RRP is £20 in UK. A huge thank you to everyone for your support. Every review, post and story share by this community has helped to get the word out and put these books into the hands of people who might need them.

👉 Publication Day Giveaway! Tag a friend below and share this post for chance to EACH win £100 Amazon vouchers. Each new tag and story share counts as a new entry. I have 6 x £100 vouchers to giveaway. 👉 If you have ever found my videos to be helpful then don’t miss my new book ‘Open When…’ packed full of helpful tips for when life gets complicated. Thank you to everyone on TikTok for your support and making this book happen. Keep an eye on my stories for behind the scenes footage from this video 🤦🏻 To buy a copy of this book see the links in my bio. Places to buy a copy… UK: All major supermarkets, Amazon, Waterstones, all book stores etc US: Amazon, Target, Barnes and Noble etc Worldwide: Please see links in bio *PLEASE NOTE: To avoid scammers, remember I will never ask you to pay anything upfront, even postage. I will NEVER ask for anyone bank details or payments. I will not ask you to visit any external sites. I will simply DM you and then email the details.

This blew my mind 🤯 The most amazing cake for the launch of my new No.1 Sunday Times bestselling book ‘Open When…’ from @Dawn Butler - Dinkydoodle cakes.